neri oxman

Brad Pitt’s New Girlfriend, an MIT Professor, Has The Greatest Twitter Account Ever

Meet Neri Oxman, the MIT Professor who looks like she belongs on every magazine cover, billboard and shampoo commercial. She is an Israeli genius with a Ph.D. in design computation and I don’t even know what that means but apparently she’s an expert in Material Ecology, Digital Fabrication, Synthetic Biology and other word combinations that I don’t understand.

Oh yea and again, this is what she looks like.

Am I saying that Neri Oxman is the perfect woman and Brad Pitt is the perfect man and their offspring would truly become the Messiah society has been searching for?


Naturally, I went straight to her Twitter to see what type of person she was and I was mindblown. She only has like, 22 tweets total but everything she says is brain porn. I’ve spent all weekend re-reading all of it feeling like that scene in The Hangover when Zach Galifianakis was heading into the casino to count cards and the entire room was full of numbers.

My brain is cumming.

Now, if you’ve ever seen a movie with me then you know the longest I can go into watching a film without turning to the person next to me and saying ‘Angelina Jolie should be in this’ is probably about 6 minutes.

I’m Team Angelina and I was heartbroken to see these two get a divorce. More heartbroken then I’ve been when girls I’ve dated have left me. Totally healthy.

But like, Angelina can kick allllllll of the rocks now that this sexy professor exists. As I write this, I’m carving ‘Brad + Neri 4 Ever’ into the nearest tree.





Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you also suddenly want to spend the rest of your life with this woman. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


Written by TheLesterLee

Creator and King of Deadseriousness. Writer of all things pop culture. Jerk.

E-mail to talk to the king directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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