Meet Neri Oxman, the MIT Professor who looks like she belongs on every magazine cover, billboard and shampoo commercial. She is an Israeli genius with a Ph.D. in design computation and I don’t even know what that means but apparently she’s an expert in Material Ecology, Digital Fabrication, Synthetic Biology and other word combinations that I don’t understand.
Oh yea and again, this is what she looks like.
Am I saying that Neri Oxman is the perfect woman and Brad Pitt is the perfect man and their offspring would truly become the Messiah society has been searching for?
Naturally, I went straight to her Twitter to see what type of person she was and I was mindblown. She only has like, 22 tweets total but everything she says is brain porn. I’ve spent all weekend re-reading all of it feeling like that scene in The Hangover when Zach Galifianakis was heading into the casino to count cards and the entire room was full of numbers.
A concise account of cosmic evolution: “Hydrogen is a light, odorless gas, which, given enough time, turns into people.”
— Neri Oxman (@NeriOxman) March 13, 2017
I miss a straight line.
— Neri Oxman (@NeriOxman) September 14, 2016
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. By he who ‘had a lover’s quarrel with the world’.
— Neri Oxman (@NeriOxman) September 10, 2016
I miss Israel mostly when I’m there.
— Neri Oxman (@NeriOxman) June 4, 2016
Embracing ambiguity may well be as life-sustaining as raw almonds and SPF. IOW — if you can afford a one way sojourn to Mars on a rainy day, make it round.
— Neri Oxman (@NeriOxman) February 16, 2018
My brain is cumming.
Now, if you’ve ever seen a movie with me then you know the longest I can go into watching a film without turning to the person next to me and saying ‘Angelina Jolie should be in this’ is probably about 6 minutes.
I’m Team Angelina and I was heartbroken to see these two get a divorce. More heartbroken then I’ve been when girls I’ve dated have left me. Totally healthy.
But like, Angelina can kick allllllll of the rocks now that this sexy professor exists. As I write this, I’m carving ‘Brad + Neri 4 Ever’ into the nearest tree.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you also suddenly want to spend the rest of your life with this woman. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.