black widow solo movie

A Black Widow Solo Movie Will Be Awful

Marvel Cinematic Universe mastermind, Kevin Feige gave an interview recently in regards to the prospect of a Black Widow solo movie:

“We’ve announced the next nine movies through the end of 2019. Where we go beyond that is a discussion that we’ll focus on in the next few years because we have a lot to do before then. Of the characters that you’ve mentioned I would say certainly the one creatively and emotionally that we are most committing to doing is Black Widow. We think she’s an amazing character. We think Scarlett Johansson’s portrayal of her is amazing. She’s a lead Avenger and has amazing stories in her own right to tell that we think would be fun to turn into a standalone franchise.”Uproxx

Hard pass. No thanks. Nah.

Black Widow is a secondary character in Avengers. She’s a glue guy. She serves her role perfectly. The offensive lineman are important to a team’s success but I only care about the quarterbacks. Black Widow is the not the quarterback.

Black Widow is there to give The Hulk a dumb love story for no reason. Or to be Captain America’s work wife. Or to make Hawkeye look like even more of a bitch.

But a Black Widow solo movie?

Nope.

We get it, she’s a dope spy who was trained from an early age to become an assassin and shit. Blah blah.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it would be an interesting spy movie. Better than most of the Mission Impossible movies actually but what makes James Bond so great is that we don’t really know much about him. There is a prequel movie explaining how James Bond trained to become 007. It’s irrelevant.

We saw a quick little dream sequence of Black Widow’s weird ballet training thing in Age of Ultron and that was more than enough for me. Natasha Romanov is a badass who will snap your neck with her thighs. I really don’t need to see that day she learned that maneuver.

I honestly only care about two moments from her past that. The moment when she met Hawkeye and immediately friend zoned him and the moment where she lost her Russian accent. Still don’t understand why they gave Scarlet Witch an obnoxious inconsistent accent but didn’t bother to tell Scarlett Johansson that her character was Russian.

By the way, this has nothing to do with her being a woman or not a cool character or whatever. I do believe there needs to be more comic book movies starring women but not Black Widow, please. Wonder Woman is going to absolute fire emoji. Or it won’t because DC sucks but the point is, women can lead a superhero franchise. Except Elektra. That was the worst thing ever.

Here’s the thing, there are so many dope Marvel characters from the comics that I’d rather see on the big screen than Black Widow. How about we cast someone for that Captain Marvel movie? Ms. Marvel is sneaky one of my favorite comic book characters ever. Black Widow is the last thing on my mind.

Her role as a sidekick in Captain America movies is the perfect situation for her. Sometimes, it’s better to keep stones unturned because you may find out that’s there is nothing but boring shit under that stone.

Marvel learned that it’s almost impossible to tell a good Incredible Hulk story. How many ways can you flip a basic werewolf movie? Trick question: there’s only one way to do it and it’s been done to death. Now he’s just co-starring in a Thor movie where he belongs. Black Widow is a sidekick and that’s her ceiling.

A Black Widow solo movie will be awful.

 

 

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you truly want to see a Black Widow solo movie so I can mock you. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.

TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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