Ben Affleck and Ana De Armas were the faces of all quarantine relationships. They started dating in March when the lockdowns began and are now calling it quits in 2021 as everyone is going back outside and pretending as if there isn’t still a global pandemic killing a 9/11’s worth of people on a daily basis.
Not only did that date throughout the quarantine but they rushed through every stage. They moved in with each other in December which is always a smart move for a recovering addict coming off a divorce and a rapidly declining career to move a hot young Cuban woman into his home within a year of knowing her.
I’ve been a hardcore Ana De Armas stan ever since I saw her in Blade Runner 2049 but that might have less to do with her acting talent or more of me projecting my ideal relationship fantasies on a woman who portrayed an AI girlfriend who was solely programmed to keep lonely men company. Whatever.
Reports claim that Ben Ana split because “they are in different points in their lives”. No shit. One is in the midst of becoming a movie star and one is this guy:
Every photo of Ben Affleck in the last calendar year looks like he is hiding out in a bomb shelter and only emerges for Dunkin Donuts large iced coffees and to spit on photographers. Goals, but still. I get the feeling Ana De Armas wants um, more.
RIP to quarantine relationships. Ben Ana split is the official end of an era. You were stuck inside with one person for almost a year. You’ve binge-watched everything on Netflix. You’ve done a Malcolm Gladwell amount of missionary.
Time to get that vaccine and go back to work. Also means it’s time to start picking unnecessary fights with your pandemic partner in hopes that they break up with you so you don’t have to awkwardly break up with them.
It’s time to ‘return to normalcy’.