Be Honest, Do You Really Care About a Black Widow Solo Movie?

It’s finally happening. On May 1st, 2020, Marvel will release the long-awaited Black Widow solo mov—YAWN.

Black Widow has always stuck out like a sore thumb in the MCU. Even more so than Hawkeye, who is at least a skilled marksman or whatever. Not totally sure what Black Widow does better than anyone else on the Avengers.

Spoilers: she’s dead as hell at the end of Avengers 4 which means this movie will either be a prequel or take place during some random plot point in the MCU that doesn’t matter.

Here’s what Scarlett Johansson said about her character in the film:

“Where we find Natasha in her life at this point is very specific. She really is in a dark place where she’s got no one to call and nowhere to go. She’s really grappling with her own self.”

“When something huge explodes and all the pieces are landing, you have that moment of stillness where you don’t know what to do next — that’s the moment that she’s in,”

Not much to draw from that. That’s quite literally the description of about 95% of every single movie that’s ever been made. Something dramatic happens and the protagonist must react to it. Could’ve assumed that would occur. Thanks, Scar.

Let’s be real, do you actually care about a Black Widow movie?

If this is some sort of Black Widow origin story then don’t even bother releasing this shit. We saw a young Russian woman become a spy literally last year when Jennifer Lawrence starred in Red Sparrow. It was boring as hell.

Angelina Jolie already starred in Salt within this decade. Obviously men get to re-do the same lame spy stories over and over again so I don’t want to say that only a couple of women get to play Russian spies. I’m more saying that whether it’s a man or a woman, we should stop making the same movies every year.

And again, Black Widow doesn’t have anything particularly unique about her that makes her worth watching for two hours. Scarlett Johansson is the queen of playing whatever character she wants whether they’re white, Asian, male or female so it’s no surprise that homegirl didn’t even bother giving Natasha Romanoff a Russian accent. If Scarlett doesn’t give a shit about this character, why would we?

Now, David Harbour from Stranger Things will be playing Taskmaster, the villain of the movie. Taskmaster is a pretty interesting character who has the ability to immediately learn and memorize all of his opponents moves so he essentially knows what you’re about to do before you even do it.

Also, according to Twitter, people really like David Harbour even then Hopper is kind of a dick on Stranger Things. That’ll put butts in seats or whatever.

It’s also starring Florence Pugh and Rachel Weisz, two of the best actresses working right now. Everyone stop reading this and go watch The Favourite. Rachel Weisz is amazing.

Florence Pugh is my favorite actress so perhaps I’m a tad biased when I say she’s the greatest ever.

But shout out to Marvel for making a Black Widow movie ten years too late and then stuffing it with actors that you have no choice but to go see. It’s an evil world we live in.

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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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