Arrest Celebrities Until This Pandemic is Over

There is a virus that is spreading across the planet infecting everything it comes in contact with. It’s shutting down entire countries and it’s sending us into a modern day Great Depression as no one can work. Markets are collapsing. Our terribly flawed and weak health care infrastructure is being exposed.

But we need not concern ourselves with the panic of the apocalypse because celebrities are here to sing wack ass songs together.

This is quite literally the worst thing I’ve ever seen. What the fuck are you doing, Gal Gadot? What in the fuck are you doing?

Over 20,000 people have lost their lives because of Coronavirus and these pretentious assholes are doing sing-a-longs to John Lennon, the MOST pretentious asshole in history. How did so many celebrities believe this was a good idea? Read the room, guys. No.

At first, I thought it was cool for John Legend to hop on Instagram Live and essentially do a free virtual concert. I’m not a John Legend fan but if I was, that would probably be a dope experience for me, I reckon.

But now that I’m looking back on it, can someone explain to me why Chrissy Teigen was sitting next to him the whole time? Yea, they’re married. We know. But why was she dead center in the middle of his performance while contributing nothing to the performance?

Earlier today I wrote about Netflix’s Tiger King documentary and how people are so desperate to feel special and I can’t help but think these celebrities are truly struggling with the idea of just going the fuck away for a couple of months.

Here’s Priyanka Chopra clapping to support nurses?

Shout out to her hashtagging COVID-19 to raise her visibility as if she’s, ya know, not already famous as hell. Imagine working 13 straight hours at a hospital and when you are finally able to leave the next morning, you check Twitter and see this sociopath clapping for you. Kind of makes it all worth it. This is what you do it for. Priyanka.

We still have no idea how crazy this pandemic will get. There hasn’t nearly been enough testing to determine how many people truly have it and although we are being told that it is only killing elderly people and people with weak immune systems, we don’t have enough information to determine the true effects of this plague or how long it’ll last.

We may be in quarantine for months. Is this what we’re going to be waterboarded with? Celebrities attempting to make us feel better with performative iPhone videos? Everyone is praising Andrew Cuomo for his (very delayed) shut down of New York but he and Donald Trump are not so quietly trying to send us back to work because Wall Street is the most important thing in the world, apparently.

I’ve written about Marie Kondo being one of my favorite scam artists in the game and homegirl just released a book about working from home. Wow, just in time for the quarantine. Yessss, exploit us, queen!

Do you know what we need right now? Money because we can’t work. We need student loan debt erased. We need to cancel rent and mortgage payment because again, we don’t have an income anymore. We need more hospital beds and supplies. We need more emergency staff. We need more tests available.

You know what we don’t need?

Wealthy celebrities attempting to guilt US into donating all of the dollars we literally do not have anymore because again, we don’t have jobs. You have a million dollars and I’m currently overdrafting.

Can we please put celebrities into some underground prison until this whole thing is over? I don’t want to see your family recording a Tik Tok or your backyard that looks exactly like the mansion from Parasite. I don’t want to hear about how bored you are in your three story homes because you had to send the housekeepers home and now you have no one to virtue signal too now that can’t whisper ‘I would never want to build a wall’ to Maritza as you walk past her checking her pockets to see if she stole any of your jewelry.

Arrest celebrities.



Also, quick sidenote here. There is nothing white people love than videos of white people rapping. I won’t shit on Rita Wilson for that clip of her rapping because she actually has the Rona but like, *whispers* go away….




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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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