Armie Hammer Eats People

Armie Hammer is an actor that Hollywood has desperately tried to turn into a big movie star but is incapable of carrying a movie on his own and is pretty much Generic Male Lead #1 throughout his incredibly irrelevant career. Go watch The Lone Ranger. I dare you.

Oh, he also eats people.

armie hammer

It’s all fun and games until someone says “I am 100% a cannibal. I want to eat you.”

Someone on Instagram posted some texts she shared with Armie Hammer over the years where he essentially just begs to eat her and not like in the cool way but in the crimes against humanity way.

It’s easy to say that these are unverified and aren’t necessarily written by the most boring actor in the history of history, Armie Hammer BUT Hammer dropped out of a movie he was working on when this story came out. I promise you that if I don’t eat people then it doesn’t matter how many memes come out about me being a cannibal, I’m going to keep going to my job because, again, I don’t actually eat people.

Here’s what Armie said about leaving his Jennifer Lopez led romcom movie:

 “I’m not responding to these bullshit claims but in light of the vicious and spurious online attacks against me, I cannot in good conscience now leave my children for 4 months to shoot a film in the Dominican Republic.”

Yes, blame your children. You certainly cannot leave them alone for 4 months. Nothing to do with the cannibal shit though.

Feels like this is an appropriate time to bring up that Armie Hammer has a history of abusing women in relationships. His ex, Courtney Vucekovich, came out and said that Armie said shit like he wanted to break her ribs and barbecue and eat it. Or that anytime she had a cut, he would suck and lick the wound.

Motherfucker eats people.

Apparently Hammer was so emotionally manipulative that Vucekovich had to check herself into a 30-day partial hospitalization program for PTSD and trauma.

Whether Armie Hammer eats people or not (he 100% eats people), it’s safe to say that he is an abusive weirdo that left his movie role because he knew there was about to be a microscope over his disgusting history with women and wanted to hide out until there’s another Capitol Siege or Joe Biden breaks all his bones slipping in the shower.

“I need your blood. I crave it”

Dear women, stop letting Armie Hammer hump you.


Sign Up For The Deadseriousness Newsletter

Don't worry, we don't spam



Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

Leave a Reply