I don’t want to sit her and brag to you beautiful people but I take ubers because what better way to spend your disposable income then to sit in the back of a stranger’s car and hope that the driver doesn’t look into the rearview mirror attempting to make eye contact before they begin to drown me in a story about their kids and their kids friends or some shit.
After meeting an uber driver at a bar a few weeks ago, it’s been brought to my attention that most uber drivers prefer the conversation. That was made clear by the fact that she had the need to come up to me and talk to me about her job.
I’m a private cat. As Lil Wayne once said, ‘Real G’s move in silence like lasagna’. So when I step into your car and you ask me about where I’m going and what my plans are when I get there, you’re doing a loooot. Let me live. Don’t be a narc.
But I get it. It’s odd when you’re picking up a random stranger, they step into the backseat of YOUR own personal car and they don’t say a single word to you. I recognize that socially, that makes me look like an asshole.
So I ask,
Are you supposed to talk to your Uber driver?
Here’s the problem I’ve faced every time I speak to an Uber driver: they’re fucking weirdos. Yes, there is something very rude about stepping into the backseat of a total stranger’s car and staying silent as they drive you around like Puff Daddy heading to his Hampton’s House for a white party on Labor Day weekend.
But there is something equally weird about allowing random strangers to sit in the back seat of your own car. One time, a man started the conversation by saying ‘This is my first time driving for a while’. So naturally, I asked ‘oh, why did you stop driving’ to which he, of course, replied ‘my wife took the car in our divorce’.
Yea, um, I’m simply trying to get to the train station, my guy. I really don’t need to know about your wife cheating on you. Let’s keep our noses to the grindstone and get from Point A to Point B. I won’t tell you about my problems because we do not know each other. And you won’t tell me about your problems because well, WE DO NOT KNOW EACH OTHER.
Everyone keep quiet. We’re all just trying to get through the day without walking into the ocean and letting Poseidon take us away.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think I should be talking to my Uber driver. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.