dave gettleman

An Exhaustive Breakdown of Every Awful Move Dave Gettleman Has Made

I don’t think I currently have the language or energy to write an intellectual breakdown of the flaws in New York Giants general manager, Dave Gettleman’s, team building philosophies partly because Dave Gettleman doesn’t appear to have any consistent team building philosophies.

If there is ANYONE out there who has any positive thoughts about the job Gettleman is doing then I hope that I can change your mind today. Walk with me.

*takes deep breath*

The 2017 New York Giants season was a disaster that came to a head Week 13 when Eli Manning was benched for Geno Smith thus ending Eli’s streak of consecutive starts while simultaneusly and accidentally marking the first time in Giants history that they started a black quarterback. Make a note of that last part. It’s going to come back up later, I promise.

The Giants lost that Week 13 game to the Oakland Raiders. Head coach cosplayer Ben McAdoo and general manager Jerry Reese were fired the next day.

Enter Dave Gettleman who was tasked with turning around the 3-13 Giants.

Watch what’s about to happen next.

The first big splash of the Gettleman era was trading Jason Pierre-Paul to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for a fourth-round draft pick.

That draft pick ended up being quarterback Kyle Lauletta. Eli Manning was old and ready to be replaced by a young quarterback and the Giants lazily waited until the 4th round to pick Lauletta, who no one thought was good enough to be a starting QB in the NFL.

Kyle Lauletta would go on to get arrested for leading the police on a car chase for reasons we still don’t understand and then when he finally got a chance to play Week 13 of last season, he went 0-for-5 and chucked an interception up.

Jason Pierre-Paul had 12.5 sacks. He would’ve led the Giants in sacks last season. He had nearly twice as many as Olivier Vernon, who led the team. Bookmark that too. We’re getting to it.

I should also mention that Gettleman traded for middle linebacker Alec Ogletree who actually had one of the better seasons on that defense with an impressive 5 interceptions. But I still feel like his 1 sack was less than Jason Pierre-Paul’s 12.5. I don’t know though. That’s just how I feel.

Trading JPP implies a rebuild. Trading for Ogletree implies win-now. If you’re going to have a win-now approach to the offseason than just keep the better player. Let’s table this. As I mentioned up top, Gettleman has wildly inconsistent team building philosophies.

Draft day, babyyyy. Team for the Giants to finally select the heir to Eli’s throne. Eli had a wonderful career in New York and it’s time for him to ride off into the sun—uh I’m sorry, what’s that? They drafted whom??

I don’t actually want to get super into the Saquon Barkley vs. Sam Darnold conversation. It is too early to say that any of those quarterbacks are true impact players in this league although I personally stan Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson but yes, Saquon Barkley is better than them all.

The problem is, in the NFL, you cannot simply draft the best player available. Saquon Barkley will be in the Hall of Fame someday. That being said, The Giants had the worst offensive line in the NFL in 2017 so drafting a running back made zero sense.

Eli Manning was coming off one of his worst career seasons and looked absolutely FINISHED. But Gettleman chose the best available talent instead of drafting for team need.

In 2005, the Green Bay Packers drafted Aaron Rodgers because they knew that Brett Favre was at the end of his career and they understood that quarterback is the most important position in the sport so they didn’t want to be left stranded without one.

This is the weird moment when Giants fans choose to give Gettleman credit for selecting Barkley, who was a Pro Bowler as a rookie. Again, he’s going to be in the Hall of Fame. Anddd none of his success is going to affect wins and losses until there’s a better quarterback handing off to him and a better defense giving him good field position.

Guard Will Hernandez and defensive lineman BJ Hill appear to be good draft picks as well. Although he whiffed on a QB, it was easy to convince yourself that Gettleman could at least scout young talent and draft well, Kyle Lauletta notwithstanding.

Not only did he draft well, but he made the smart decision of giving Odell Beckham the contract extension that he wanted and deserved, making him the highest paid receiver in the NFL. Perf.

Oh, did I forget to mention that Gettleman gave 30-year old Nate Solder a 4-year $62 million contract thus making him the highest paid offensive lineman in NFL history? Everybody gets paid when Gettleman is running the show.

Win-now mode in New York: activated.

*whispers* The Giants started 1-7 and traded away Eli Apple and Damon Harrison at the deadline. Win-now mode: deactivated.

New York would finish 5-11.

So how does Dave Gettleman come back from completely fumbling his first full season as general manager? What’s his solution?

IMMEDIATELY TRADES ODELL BECKHAM RIGHT AFTER GIVING HIM THE BIGGEST CONTRACT IN THE NFL FOR THE FUCKING 17TH OVERALL PICK, AN OFFENSIVE LINEMAN AND JABRIL PEPPERS. OH, AND HE ADDED IN OLIVIER VERNON (remember earlier, he led the team in sacks) IN THE TRADE JUST BECAUSE HE FELT LIKE IT.

Arguably the best wide receiver in the NFL and the team’s best pass rusher. Gone. To make matters worse, the Giants still take a $16 million cap hit for trading Odell so they are essentially still paying him top dollar to go win games in Cleveland.

Do you know how Gettleman corrected the Odell sized hole? He signed Golden Tate to a 4-year $37.5 million deal. Quick update: The Giants are now paying $23 million in cap money to their receivers and one of those receivers is a Brown.

Oh, and just to be a little dickling, Gettleman signed wide receiver, Sterling Shephard to a 4-year $41 million deal which is an interesting move considering Tate and Shephard have identical skill sets as slot receivers so you’d think signing Tate would mean the team was moving on from Shephard.

Of course not, that we make too much sense.

Speaking of making too much sense, Gettleman allowed all-pro safety, Landon Collins walk in free agency instead of slapping the franchise tag on him.

Now, some would say that the Giants made a smart financial decision to not pay Collins. (They’re paying Odell nearly $20 to play somewhere else but ok). The problem is, if Gettleman didn’t plan on re-signing Collins at the end of the year, why didn’t he trade him at the deadline with Snacks Harrison and Eli Apple and receive draft picks instead of letting him leave for nothing?

Because that would make too much sense…

BUT, the Giants did actually receive a compensatory pick after Washington signed Collins. I see you, Dave. Maybe you aren’t the worst general manager ev—hm? Excuse me? The Giants had to forfeit that compensatory pick when they signed Golden Tate? AND they OWE the Eagles a compensatory pick?

Dave Gettleman, ladies and gentlemen.

Needless to say, Gettleman had to knock the 2019 NFL Draft first round out of the park about everything I just mapped out. Surely, he would simply select Dwayne Haskins, the quarterback who set Big Ten passing records and was a Heisman finalist and there’s no way Gettleman would select Daniel Jones, the 7th best statistical quarterback in the shitty ACC and the 66th ranked quarterback in the country.

Dave Gettleman, you dumb bitch.

Real quick, because I’m going to smash my laptop into pieces if I keep typing this, the Giants also selected defensive tackle, Dexter Lawrence with that 17th overall pick which means that the Giants traded away Olivier Vernon and Odell Beckham……for Dexter Lawrence, a worse Damon Harrison…

And I’d be remiss to not point out that Washington picked the best quarterback, Dwayne Haskins and one of the best defensive linemen, Montez Sweat, with the 15th and 26th picks. The Giants could’ve had both players with 6 and 17.

Dave Gettleman is the worst general manager in NFL history.


Feel Smarter, Have a Laugh and Subscribe To Start Your Day Off With The Deadseriousness Newsletter Directly in Your Inbox

Thank Me Later.

Leave a Reply

TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

minnesota timberwolves

How To Fix The Minnesota Timberwolves

2019 nfl draft first round

6 Biggest Winners and Losers of the 2019 NFL Draft First Round