After Signing Tom Brady, The Tampa Bay Buccaneers Just Got Significantly Worse

Tom Brady has signed with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers which is an insane sentence to say out loud for 900 reasons. If any quarterback was going to be afforded the right to stay with one team until he retired, you would’ve assumed it was Brady but nope, he’s Brett Favre on the Jets and Peyton Manning on the Broncos.


Before I shit on the move, it’s important to point out how good this is for the Buccaneers brand. They are going from being the least popular team in the NFC South to now leading Sportscenter every single night.

The NFL TV schedule is going to revolve around the Bucs. Tom Brady vs. Drew Brees is going to be on Sunday Night Football twice next season where a year ago Tampa Bay wouldn’t have even been included in the highlight reel before the game.

I don’t think I’ve seen anyone wear a Bucs jersey since Warren Sapp’s prime in 2003. I also don’t spend time in places where people feel comfortable wearing jerseys—but there I go bragging again.

There are going to be so new Brady fans everywhere you go. I’m sick.

Shit talking time: Tom Brady stinks.

Tom Brady had the 27th ranked completion percentage in 2019. 29th in yards per attempt. 19th in quarterback rating. He had a worse season than guys like Mason Rudolph, Garnder Minshew and Kyle Allen. All of the NFL’s Top QBs.

So with one more year of life under his belt, how do you suspect Tom Brady will perform at age 43?

Only one quarterback in NFL history has attempted over 100 passes at age 43 or older. Shout out to Vinny Testaverde’s wonderful 2007 season with the Carolina Panthers in which he went 2-4 in his 6 starts with 5 TDs to match his 6 interceptions and a Hall of Fame worthy 65.8 quarterback rating. 136 yards per game. Wow, can we go back in time and give that man $30 million?

Obviously, Tom Brady has had a far more accomplished career than his former AFC East rival but that was then and this is now. Brady’s career is trending down rapidly. We can talk about how he now has Mike Evans and OJ Howard as targets or how Bruce Arians is a supposed offensive genius but just a reminder that Tom Brady had a worse season than Mitch Trubisky last year and the Chicago Bears just traded for Nick Foles to replace him.

I’m not sitting here saying that Tampa Bay should’ve re-signed Jameis Winston.

You cannot win football games if your quarterback turns the ball over 30+ times in a season. As much as I think Tom Brady is a weirdo who gets plastic surgery and makes out with his son, at least he hasn’t, ya know, groped an Uber driver. Fuck Jameis.

But the idea of giving $30 million to a 43-year old quarterback who had comparable numbers to Andy Dalton last season when you could literally go acquire Andy Dalton for half that price is a mistake.

Jameis Winston had 33 touchdowns and led the league with 5,109 yards.

Besides rape, his only flaw is turnovers. Again FUCK Jameis.

You’re losing a far better arm talent for Brady’s ability to game manage. Cool. Might as well sign Case Keenum at this point and use the extra $20 million elsewhere.

I mean shit, it would make far more sense to go out and trade for Matty Stafford who is the same QB as Winston but yea, minus the interceptions and rape.

You cannot convince me that Bruce Arians would rather have Tom Brady—who is old enough to be his not-so-younger brother—than Matt Stafford who would light the league on fire with Tampa’s offensive weapons.

Cannot wait to see Mike Evans wide open downfield as Brady checks down to his running back on three consecutive plays before the punter jogs out there to lead the league in all kicking stats.

At the end of the day, I just love that no matter who you are or what you do, if you’re from the northeast then you will be retiring in Tampa Bay. It’s law.







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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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