According to Science, Drinking Too Much Soda Will Break Your Dick

Drinking too much soda can have many unintended consequences. You’re basically consuming sugar acid. There is no part of your body that benefits from sugar acid. And scientists have recently discovered that drinking too much soda can break your dick.

A shocking study claims men who chug too much cola could be damaging their manhood.

Scientists revealed that drinking one litre of the fizzy drink a day could reduce sperm count by a massive 30% and lead to erectile dysfunction.

Research undertaken at Copenhagen University Hospital found men who classed themselves as being addicted to cola had far less effective swimmers than those who avoided the drink.

The study looked at 2,554 men, and found cola addicts had an average sperm count of 35 million per millilitre, compared to 56 million per millilitre in those who consumed less of the drink




Apparently if you drink a lot of soda every day is the equivalent of giving yourself a routine vasectomy. I feel like every 6 months there is a new food or drink that will destroy your sperm. Remember the good old days when you could smoke a pack of cigarettes a day and a 6-pack of Coca-Cola at dinner?

As someone who doesn’t hate kids, this is huge news. Fuck condoms, I’ll just chug Sierra Mist before some poor girl lets me hump her for 35 seconds. Having said that, this is SCARY. Erectile Dysfunction is my biggest fear. I may never have a sip of soda for the rest of my life (as I’m writing this I am hungover and drinking a ginger ale). So yea.




Sign Up For The Deadseriousness Newsletter

Don't worry, we don't spam

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you’re going to use drinking soda as an excuse next time your dick doesn’t work. Also, go ahead and give Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here.




Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

Leave a Reply


Carlos Beltran, Dellin Betances and Andrew Miller Make the AL All Star Team. Pop Bottles

The Miami Heat Are Dead, Dwayne Wade Killed Them