captain marvel

7 Reasons Why Captain Marvel is the Best Movie Ever

Captain Marvel has finally arrived to save the MCU from a decade of men in colorful costumes punching men in often equally colorful costumes and she’s got a 90’s soundtrack to go along with slow dial-up internet and the ability to explode things with her bare hands.

Captain Marvel is a rare origin story in which the main character already has her powers from the opening scene. We didn’t have to watch her lame training montage or see her Uncle Ben get shot in an alley.

Carol Danvers isn’t an arrogant doctor who had an accident that changed her life. She’s basically an alien ready to banter with anyone, especially Samuel Jackson, as the two of them go on a buddy cop romp while they’re attacked by shapeshifting lizard aliens.

Here are 7 reasons why Captain Marvel is the best movie ever (spoilers, obviously):

1. Carol Danvers

Ms. Marvel is one of the worst comic book characters ever and none of it is her fault. Her entire comic book history, up until a few years ago, consists of her getting her powers stolen repeatedly, just being a one-dimensional love interest to various men, being raped and then guilted into keeping the baby and pretty much having zero agency over her own comic book stories.

She also has a history of inconsistent powers where sometimes she can shoot beams out of her hands that make things explode and sometimes she can explode planets and sometimes she’ll shoot a beam and it can be blocked by just like, putting your arms up.

If this is the definitive version of Captain Marvel going forward then this movie knocked it out of the park. Brie Larson is great playing a stoic all-powerful living Kree nuclear bomb and she’s charming as hell.

(Although the entire time watching I kept thinking ‘wow, Emily Blunt would’ve been amazing at this but ok Brie, get this check’).

2. Goose

I’m not going to be cute and save talking about the cat for last. Honestly, Goose is the only character in this movie that I want to talk about going forward. No one else mattered.

The existence of random ass space cats in the MCU just put me on board for a 4th Phase of these movies that won’t have Tony Stark, Steve Rogers or Thor going forward. Don’t need those characters anymore. We have Goose now.

3. 2019 CGI

Samuel L Jackson is 70 and when they said they were going to de-age him, I had reservations, to say the least. Marvel has been tinkering with this technology for a while now and it’s looked good zero (0) times.

Nick Fury actually looked great and you couldn’t even really tell that he was an elderly man. She also first shows her powers while training with Jude Law by having her fist light up. If you hate-watched Iron Fist on Netflix, you instantly appreciate how much better Carol Danvers’s light up CGI fist is than Iron Fist.

4. No Love Interest

Marvel waiting a decade for their first female super hero movie says less about Marvel Studios’ reluctance to put a woman in the main role and says more about the source material treating women like plot devices to move stories further for men.

That being said, if any part of Carol Danvers’s motivations included wanting to make out with a cute boy, this movie would’ve been absolute trash. We needed an all-powerful woman who doesn’t suddenly become ditzy when she’s around handsome men.

I also love the not-so-subtle subtext that homegirl miiiight like other homegirls. Whether she had a little extra history with her former Airforce pilot best friend Maria Rambeau or with her comic book love interest Mar-Vell who was played by Annette Benning. I’d go gay for Annette Benning.

5. Ben Mendelsohn/The Skrulls

When I saw that Ben Mendelsohn was cast as the Skrull antagonist, I was prepared for some real shitty overacting. Marvel villains are typically generic ‘I’m evil and do evil things because of course I do, I mean, don’t you hear the sinister way I’m choosing to speak? I’m evil, babyyy‘.

But Ben Mendelsohn pretty much just played himself but with green alien makeup. I do like the idea that there are Skrulls out there in space that just have jolly Australian accents for no reason.

Also loved the twist that the Skrulls aren’t these evil aliens who blindly want to take over the planet because they can. They are political refugees running from the Kree who are trying to ‘build that wall’ them out of existence.

Most importantly, shout out to Talos for wearing that zip up hoodie at the dinner table. Like, he already had an outfit on but then he just threw on a gray sweatshirt. It was the most noteworthy part of this movie. Imagine going to another planet and just like, putting on one of their jackets over your jacket. Just a wild move.

Also ALSO (sorry I have way more to say about Talos than I originally thought I would. Hang in there with me) when Talos shapeshifts, he turns into Nick Fury’s boss who is just Ben Mendelsohn. Did Talos think it was weird that he happened to transform into a random human who had the exact same voice as him? Was there a ‘holy shit. This guy ‘Keller‘ sounds EXACTLY’ like me’ moment?

6. Captain Marvel Isn’t Fucking Around

There is a lot of speculation and theories surrounding Avengers: Endgame and how the team will beat Thanos. Answer: Captain fucking Marvel. I haven’t read any reviews or dumb tweets yet but I suspect a wave of nerds complaining that she’s too powerful is coming.

I am 1000% okay with Carol Danvers being the baddest bitch in the universe. She’s like Superman but with no kryptonite. When Captain Marvel unlocks her full power and starts glowing I was HYPED. It’s like seeing Michael Jordan finally step up and beat the Celtics and Lakers back-to-back in ’91.

7. Space

I don’t have much to say about this. I exhausted myself overthinking Ben Mendelsohn’s character, as one does, and I titled this ‘7 Reasons’ and damn it, I’m going to give you 7.

Put every movie in space. Give me aliens, spaceships, foreign planets. All of the stuff that happened on Earth was fine or whatever but Marvel has really mastered intergalactic storytelling in a way that I would not have predicted a decade ago when Thor landed on Earth and it was kind of dumb.

Space makes every movie better. I would be completely okay with Green Book winning Best Picture if it took place in a spaceship.

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee with your thoughts on Captain Marvel. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Follow on Instagram so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.

Leave a Reply

Deadseriousness

Written by Deadseriousness

gold diggers of the wnba

‘Gold Diggers of the WNBA’ Is Easily The Dumbest Sketch in SNL History

troy tulowitzki

Troy Tulowitzki Is About To Be The Worst Player in New York Yankees History