One of my hottest movie takes is that Blade Runner sucks and I will stand by that until the day I die. It’s gross looking. It’s supposed to be futuristic but it looks like it takes place in the 70’s. The 1870’s. It makes no sense from top to bottom and there’s far too much Rutger Hauer for any movie to be called a ‘classic’.
Having said that, I went to see Blade Runner 2049 and I should say it was a beautiful movie and it gave me the feels but unfortunately, I grade movies on a real tough scale. Either it’s the best movie ever or the worst movie ever. I will NEVER say a movie with Jared Leto’s name on the poster is the best movie ever so here we are.
Here are 7 reasons why Blade Runner 2049 is the worst movie ever:
(Also, spoilers because duh)
1. 3 Hour Runtime
There is no movie on Earth that needs to be 2 hours and 44 minutes. That’s a prison sentence. Harrison Ford doesn’t even come on screen until the 2-hour mark wherein I almost asked the projection operator for a
brief long intermission.
I am about to shit all over this movie but I quickly want to point out how gorgeous this was and Roger Deakins deserves all of the cinematography awards. Having said that, can we cool it with the cinematography? Did we need 5 minutes of establishing shots before things actually occurred in scenes? Yes, its pretty in this Post-Apocalyptic Las Vegas, let’s keep it moving though.
Insert ‘WRAP IT UP’ sketch from The Chappelle’s show that I would be able to use here if Viacom wasn’t so weird about posting their old show’s clips on Youtube. Like, why can’t I watch Pimp My Ride anywhere? This has nothing to do with Blade Runner 2049 but like, someone send this article to the Viacom CEO.