This global pandemic that forced the league to take a lengthy hiatus might actually have some positive side effects for certain players’ 2019-20 NBA season. This article will be about players that needed a break and mini vacation.
I am not in any way about to sit here and write about the good side of Coronavirus. Fuck that. People are dying and RIP Karl-Anthony Towns’s mom. Coronavirus is a legit threat and no one should play a damn game until we have better testing and/or treatment.
1. LeBron James
Well, duh. LeBron James is 74-years old. Taking an extended break from dragging Jared Dudley and Kyle Kuzma up and down the court is a good thing. It’s nuts how weird this roster is compared to their win loss record. The Lakers are somehow 1st in the West despite Danny Green playing 25 minutes a night and shooting 41% from the field.
God only knows what type of unholy futuristic Blade Runner shit LeBron James is doing to his body right now to stay in shape. He’s sleeping in a deep sea bacta tank and will emerge with 14 more inches added to his vertical leap and a new crossover.
2. Blake Griffin
Blake Griffin has been cleared to play this week which means the Detroit Pistons have about 3 weeks of an MVP caliber player before his body turns to dust again and they only need 3 weeks with the NBA looking to bang out as many games as possible when they return.
Griffin only played 18 fairy unimpressive games this season with drops in all of his stats from the season prior but again, this rest is good for the man who has the physical endurance of loose-leaf paper.
3. Kyrie Irving
I’m not totally sure Kyrie will be back regardless of whenever the NBA season returns but this delay at least gives him a chance to flirt with that idea. Now, it’s important for me to say that I hate the Nets and the insistence that they’re cool and how everyone ignores that Kyrie and Kevin Durant got their head coach fired even though they only played a combined 20 games.
The league is better when Kyrie is playing and the postseason is certainly better when Kyrie turns into the midrange gawd and misses every shot he takes and then has a bizarre press conference afterwards basically promising to do the same thing the next night.
4. Brad Beal
If the NBA comes back with a single-elimination tournament to decide the 8th seeds then this hiatus just gave Brad Beal—a player who has been having one of the best and most meaningless seasons in the league—an opportunity to play for a title.
Beal is currently 2nd in the league in scoring with 30.5 buckets a night while still averaging a career-high 6.1 assists. He IS the Washington Wizards and can get hot enough to bring them to a playoff appearance if the NBA gets funky with the rules.
5. James Harden
It is going to be hilarious if/when this shortened expedited end of the season gives the Rockets a trip to the NBA Finals in the biggest asterisk season ever. People hate this Rockets team so much it would only be fair if a chance in the playoff structure granted them a title that will be argued about for the remainder of time.
Houston sports: Fuck outta here.
6. Ben Simmons
Ben Simmons’s back injury was a low-key major bummer as it just robbed the Sixers of any real title hopes. Philadelphia currently sits at the 6th seed in the East and if the playoffs started today, they’d be on the road to Boston to get dissected because this front office dedicated themselves to building a roster of big men and zero guards.
I do not trust this organization when it comes to handling injuries and if there wasn’t a break in the NBA season, there is no doubt in my mind they would’ve rushed Ben Simmons back into action way early and he would’ve left a playoff game in an ambulance.
7. Kawhi Leonard
Kawhi Leonard proved in the playoffs last season that he can play through injuries if he needs to on his way to leading the bitch ass Toronto Raptors to an NBA Championship so I questioned whether or not I should use this spot for Paul George instead. Especially considering that when Paul George plays hurt, he looks awful out there.
The problem is, it doesn’t matter if he’s totally healthy or rested. Playoff P hasn’t won a playoff series in 6 years. Do you like how I spent this entire Kawhi Leonard section mocking Paul George? Deadseriousness forever.