The NFL is the most stubborn league full of people in power refusing to acknowledge their massive mistakes as to remain in power so teams do the least amount of work in the offseason due to this false ‘Any Given Sunday’ idea that tricks bad organizations into maintaining their mediocrity because their team might fuck around and beat the Cowboys on Monday Night Football after the refs blew 11 obvious calls.
The league is changing. New powerhouse organizations are forming and too many teams are willing to live in purgatory as opposed to tearing the roster down and starting from scratch.
Here are 7 NFL teams that need to blow it up this offseason:
1. Los Angeles Chargers
My god does Philly Rivers stink. It’s safe to say that at this point in his career, no one on that football field has any idea where the ball is going when it leaves Rivers’s hands. Rivers was second in interceptions this season after throwing 20. Technically he was third behind Jameis and Baker but Jameis Winston doesn’t count. He was on a one-man mission and I thank him for his sacrifice.
My favorite storyline of the season was Melvin Gordon holding out for a new deal, not getting that new deal, and then essentially becoming an irrelevant backup only to enter free agency with absolutely no leverage.
That’s not related to the Chargers need to blow up the team, I just needed an opportunity to make fun of Melvin Gordon again and here we are.
The Chiefs own this division and the Raiders are coming up. Drew Lock proved he’s a better quarterback than Rivers is right now. The Chargers are trending down. Blow it up.
2. Jacksonville Jaguars
Remember when the Jaguars were two quarters away from beating the New England Patriots in the AFC Championship and completely melted in the second half because they refused to let Blake Bortles throw the ball? Yea, me neither.
The Jags traded away one of the best corners in football and then fired Tom Coughlin, the man who made an enemy of that top corner and traded him away. There are still a lot of weird personalities on this team and none of those personalities are equating to wins.
They also gave Nick Foles a 4-year $88 million deal and benched him for a rookie they drafted in the 6th round.
Blow up Jacksonville.
3. Detroit Lions
I don’t know if I can consider the Detroit Lions in need of a ‘blow up’ considering they’ve been blowing up for the last 30 years but Matty Stafford is current the 4th highest paid quarterback in the NFL and the man has never won a playoff game. He hasn’t even been in the playoffs since 2016.
The Lions won 3 three games this season and elected to not fire anyone or make any real changes at all. They have the third pick of this upcoming draft. Perfect opportunity to select a kid like Tua Tagovailoa and start anew but I’m sure they’ll draft some linebacker that won’t impact wins and losses as Matty Stafford proceeds to never reach the playoffs again. As it was written.
4. Pittsburgh Steelers
I don’t necessarily know if the Steelers need to ‘blow it up’ BUT I will admit that this headline says there will be seven teams on this list so here is your seventh team, folks. Man of my word over.
Just going to take this opportunity to direct your attention to the “Was I An Asshole Today?” Checklist. Feel free to drop your email address below and get it sent to your inbox ASAP.
5. Atlanta Falcons
The Falcons blew a 28-3 lead in the Super Bowl in 2017 and have yet to recover from the embarrassment. In 2018, Matt Ryan led the Falcons to 7 wins. This season, Matt Ryan led the Falcons to 7 wins.
Much like the Detroit Lions, the Atlanta Falcons continue to lose year after year and bring the same team and coaching staff back expecting a different outcome. I still don’t understand why this team didn’t make any moves at the deadline to acquire more draft capital. Blow up the Atlanta Falcons.
6. Cleveland Browns
Just a quick rule of thumb to all 32 NFL teams: if you’re building your franchise around Baker Mayfield then you aren’t building your franchise. You’re delaying an inevitable restart and after the firings of GM John Dorsey and head coach Freddie Kitchens, the Browns seem like they’re not-so-quietly realizing this.
The problem is, they are still running back the same roster in which the star wide receiver begged every opponent to trade for him and the star pass rusher ripped a dude’s head off and tried to beat him with that severed head.
7. New England Patriots
There are a lot of rumors and nonsense about Tom Brady and Bill Belichick having a divorce this spring. Tom Brady is most likely returning to New England because old rich white men aren’t out there taking chances ever. They’re men of routine.
I’m saying that he should want to stay in New England and the Patriots should 1000% move on from his elderly ass. Especially with Tom wanting more money and not looking for a discount. Big Boomer Energy to want more money when you are at your least productive.
The dynasty is over. Tear this franchise down to the studs and build a new dynasty, cowards.