‘Blowing it up’ is a term most closely assiocaited with NBA team rebuilding in which there are only 12 men of the roster so it is easier to hit the reset button and start over.
The NFL has 53 guys putting their lives on the line so ‘tanking’ isn’t really an option. Go tell a
But there are some football teams that are down so bad that blowing it up is the only option. Running back the same awful team is just out of the question.
Here are 7 NFL teams that need to blow everything up:
1. Washington Redskins
Everyone entered the season shitting on the New York Giants for drafting Saquon Barkley instead of a future quarterback and yes, the Giants went 5-11 and pretty much wasted a year but why was no one critizing Washington?
The Redskins big offseason moves were signing Adrian Peterson and trading for Alex fucking Smith and no one batted an eye. No one thought that they needed to look ahead at their nonexistent future.
Alex Smith’s career is over. Adrian Peterson will be a 34-year old running back when next season starts. What exactly is this team’s plan? Who is the next Kirk Cousins that they will refuse to commit to long term but continue franchise tagging while inadvertently making him the highest paid quarterback in the league without him deserving it all?
2. Miami Dolphins
Did you know Ryan Tannehill has been in the league for EIGHT YEARS?? We keep hearing about which new head coach is going to help Tannehill ‘develop’. My man is 30. He’s developed. And he stinks.
They’ve got a new head coach coming in which is a perfect time to change literally everything about this team. Change the floors inside of the facility’s gym. Change the color of the paint on the walls. Change the locks so that Tannehill can’t get in. Change everything.
Also shout out to the New York Jets for signing Adam Gase as their new head coach so that he can develop Sam Darnold. Now he can grow into the next Ryan Tannehill hahahahahahaha.
3. Cincinnati Bengals
Marvin Lewis has finally been fired. Not a single playoff win under his belt. What a ride. Toooootally makes sense that he was the coach for 15 years. Fired right as he was planning his Super Sweet 16. Harsh. I heard Lil Bow Bow was going to perform.
The AFC North is winnable if they strike now because it’s only a matter of time until Baker Mayfield leads the Browns to a division title or worse, if Lamar Jackson learns how to throw a football. The window is real small for Cincy.
Can Andy Dalton lead a team to the Super Bowl? No. Better question, can Andy Dalton lead a team out of the Wildcard first round of the playoffs? Also, no. Time to blow this team up.
4. Detroit Lions
Yo, Matt Patricia STINKS. Jim Caldwell left the Lions with two respectable back-to-back 9-7 seasons. Not enough to get past Green Bay and Minnesota but certainly enough to build off of. They were a winning program.
Matt Patricia kicked the door in and was like ‘nah, fuck all that winning shit’. The team immediately hated how strict he was and Matt Stafford had one of his worst seasons as a professional.
The Lions need to get rid of any talented players they can still get valuable assets for before Matt Patricia gets another year under his belt to sink all of their stocks. I used to think Stafford was an above average quarterback who has never had a running game and a Top 10 defense. Now I think he’s on Nathan Peterman’s level.
5. Oakland Raiders
I don’t even really want to put this on this list. Jon Gruden is already blowing up this team and not even so he can win in the future. He’s just a messy bitch that lives for drama. He is a dog chasing his own tail. What you call chaos, he calls normality.
How does one blow up that which is already blowing up?
6. Pittsburgh Steelers
As I write this, Ben Roethlisberger and Antonio Brown are choking each other out like Homer and Bart Simpson. Two of the biggest assholes in the NFL have finally had enough of each other as it appears as though Antonio Brown has pretty much been kicked off the team.
The Steelers missed the playoffs this season and I don’t see them magically getting in next season if the drama continues. At the end of the year, Big Ben blamed their struggles on ‘Le’Veon Bell’ being a distraction. Yo, if your team can’t play on Sunday because they’re too bust thinking ‘I wonder what Le’Veon Bell is up to’ it means they don’t want to be there either.
And everyone keeps talking about trading Antonio Brown. Why? He’s the best wide receiver not named Odell. Trade away the 36-year old rapist that stands a mile away from the bus stop waiting to throw any and all of his teammates under the local metro after he makes a mistake.
7. New York Giants
Eli Manning isn’t an NFL starting quarterback anymore. Some might argue that he never was but that’s a conversation for another day and two Super Bowl MVPs and blah blah. Point is, it’s a wrap for ya boy.
But Eli isn’t their only problem, the Giants were 31st in the league in sacks, 23rd in points allowed and 24th in yards allowed. Teams were able to drive up and down on the Giants will complete ease.
It’s time for the Giants to build, what we in the biz call, a football team. Also and most importantly, get Eli the fuuuuck out of here and give me Dwayne Haskins, Saquon Barkley and Odell Beckham next season. Yo, the Giants are going to be black as hell and I cannot wait.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee with the NFL teams you think should blow everything up. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Follow on Instagram so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.