Earlier this week, the world was blessed with an interview of Jaden Smith, our messiah. Every once in a while, Jaden returns from Mount Olympus to drop knowledge for all of us to gnaw on until his next visit. Jaden Smith is our prophet, and we should all follow his teachings. Definitely read the interview yourself, but allow me to point out the crucial knowledge he delivered to us.
1. Jaden Smith is a scientist.
“Me and Willow are scientists,” he explains, “so everything for us is a scientific test upon humanity. And luckily we’re put in a position where we can affect large groups of human beings at one time.”
We are all variables in Jaden Smith’s science experiments. He’s always testing us. I always knew he was watching over us, and this confirms it. To Jaden, we’re just mice in a maze. All we are is mice in a maze.
2. Jaden Smth is a troll.
On the T Magazine interview they did last year, the one which left everyone convinced they were drunk on prana energy: “That experiment—it went really, really well,” he tells me. “We got to see how people reacted. And they actually ended up reacting exactly as we predicted beforehand that they would react.”
See, Jaden Smith is just trolling us. He wants us to thinks he’s a troll which means he’s not actually a troll, thus making him a troll. Jaden Smith has our brains in his back pocket.
3. Jaden Smith eats oatmeal.
It’s the middle of a heat wave in Los Angeles, and we’re sitting outside Le Pain Quotidien. He orders oatmeal. I guess this is another way of emphasizing that he’s still only 17. The oatmeal arrives and he spoons it into his mouth and then he starts pointing at his mouth and frantically waving his arms. “Extremely hot,” he says eventually.
Just a little Jaden fun fact here. He’s a big oatmeal guy.
4. Jaden Smith built a pyramid.
He’s making things, constantly. “Like, the clothes I’m wearing right now, done it on my own. I built my own bed, I built my own closet, um, I built two closets, I built four beds, I built, um, one pyramid—”
Here’s the thing about the pyramids: It took Egyptians years to make just one of them, and, like, all of the slave labor to do it. Jaden Smith just has a pyramid chilling in backyard that probably took him an afternoon to craft. Probably had a quick oatmeal break in between layers, too.
5. Jaden Smith runs his own school. Oh, he’s also a student at that aforementioned school.
Mystery School is real, as it happens. It’s how he and Willow refer to their home school. That’s where he learned how to build a pyramid. They help set their own curriculum. “And that’s what I really encourage kids to do, is learn the things that you want to learn, because then not only will school become fun, but it will make your dreams come true.”
I would pay any amount of money to enroll in Mystery School. Do you understand how many secrets the Smiths know? All of them. All of the secrets. Jaden is both an apprentice and a master.
6. Jaden Smith will be gone in 10 years.
“No one will know where I am in ten years. They’ll see me pop up, but they’ll be like, ‘Where’d you come from?’ No one will know. No one will know where I’m at. No one will know who I’m with. No one will know what I’m doing. I’ve been planning that since I was like 13.”
Soak in all of the Jaden you can now because in 10 years, he will vanish. Then he’ll pop up again and you’ll be like, “Where’d he come from?”
“Let me think. What do I want to say right now? Love yourself. And watch.”
“No. Don’t watch Jaden.”
Love yourself and watch what, then?
“I’m gonna say it one more time. Love yourself. And watch.”
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