50 Lessons Learned From NFL Week 3
The New York Giants played Thursday night which means I barely watched a single second of the Sunday action. Here’s what I heard happened:
1. The New York Giants are the best team in the NFL, and no one can tell me otherwise.
2. Kirk Cousins is the second worst quarterback in the NFL.
3. Robert Griffin is the worst.
4. The Rams fireworks team set the field on fire.
5. The Rams football team… Not so much.
6. I am extremely mad that I didn’t draft AJ Green to my fantasy team.
7. Sooo, the Ravens are never winning a football game again.
8. Andy Dalton is no longer the butt of every joke.
9. …Still a pale red head though.
10. The McCown boys are back in town.
11. Andddd they lost.
12. Johnny Manziel didn’t play but I’m sure he still blew coke off a cheerleader in the locker room.
13. Cam Newton has never not smiled.
14. Marcus Mariota is going to be a great quarterback.
15. As far as tackling goes, not so much.
16. Seriously, you can’t get stiff armed into the bleachers.
17. Brandon Weeden threw a perfect game.
18. Then a completely awful one.
19. The Cowboys may never win again.
20. Guess the Giants are winning the NFC East.
21. Go, Giants!
22. The Falcons are apparently undefeated.
23. The Patriots slit the Jaguars throat then let them slowly bleed all over the field.
24. I can’t wait til the Giants beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl.
25. The Eagles are good again?
26. Wait, no, the Jets are the Jets again.
27. The Jets should have to forfeit all of their games for the rest of this season.
28. They only lost by a touchdown.
29. Can’t wait til the Giants win the NFC East.
30. Adrian Peterson is the only reason why Teddy Bridgewater is still in the league.
31. The week of stiff arms continues.
32. Ben Roethlisberger is out for at least one month.
33. Michael Vick time.
34. Can’t wait to see him run for 100 yards and turn the ball over 100 times.
35. Football is objectively terrible this year.
36. No, seriously.
37. Colin Kaepernick threw two consecutive pick sixes to start the game.
38. The 49ers lost by 40.
39. LOL ^
40. Warren Buffet was READY.
Warren Buffett is currently on Dolphins’ sideline… wearing a Suh jersey… and shoulder pads. Seriously. pic.twitter.com/RF1SekFQkF
— Jeff Darlington (@JeffDarlington) September 27, 2015
41. The Chicago Bears’ punter suffered a sprained knee after punting too much.
42. That is not a bad joke. Like, he’s really hurt.
43. Bears fans should probably stop hating Jay Cutler after watching Jimmy Clausen.
44. Jimmy Clausen ALWAYS looks embarrassed.
45. As he should.
46. The Lions were within 2 points the entire game and waited for me to go to bed to BLOW the spread.
47. After a full day of losing every bet, I expect the Lions to stay within 3 fucking points.
48. Peyton Manning has the arm strength of a snake.
49. I hate you, Detroit.
50. Never bet on Detroit.
Edited by Morgan Mandriota.