1. 7-year drought
The Orlando Magic haven’t made the postseason since Dwight Howard was being a weirdo over there and Hedo Turkoglu was preparing his takeover of the Turkish government back in 2012. Those goofy motherfuckers.
We don’t need to see the Miami Heat lose in the first round again. We get it. They ‘play hard’ or whatever. If the Charlotte Hornets make the playoffs, that first round series wouldn’t even get aired on NBA TV. You’d have to Google the results.
At least the Magic give us something new to experience.
2. They can match up with Milwaukee
The Orlando Magic aren’t going to beat the Milwaukee Bucks. Let’s be clear about that. There is a zero percent chance that Evan Fournier outplays Giannis.
But Milwaukee’s roster is filled top to bottom with gigantic versitile big men like Giannis, Brook Lopez, Nikola Mirotic and Ersan Illyasova.
Did you know Pau Gasol was on the Bucks?
Are you a 7-footer from a war-torn nation in Eastern Europe? Milwaukee is hiring.
Well the Magic are with the shits. Their small forward is 6’10 Jonathan Isaac. It’s a shame that Mo Bamba is out for the season because they’d have enough big men for just turn this series into a WWF Royal Rumble.
3. Vuc Time
NIC VUC TIME, BABYYYY.
Playoffs are where superstars are made. Nikola Vucevic is ready for the spotlight. He made his first all-star team this year and he’s having the best statistical season of his career.
He’s averaging 20.3 points per game with 12 rebounds. He and Aaron Gordon are about to show out. DJ AUGUSTIN SZN.
4. Enough with Dwyane Wade
Alright, let’s wrap up this long ass never-ending farewell tour. The jersey swap nonsense has jumped the shark and his little baby girl braids are tired. He is washed.
We do not need a playoff series dedicated to blowing this elderly man. It’s a wrap. Let him have his ridiculous Kobe retirement game where he scores 60 points on 60 field goal attempts.
Orlando Magic deserve to be swept by the Milwaukee Bucks.
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