The 2020 WNBA was the first meaningful sports event we’ve had since Rudy Gobert touched all those mics and gave everyone Coronavirus shutting down sports forever. Asshole.
Anyway, with any major event there are winners and there are most certainly losers.
Here are the 4 biggest winners and losers of the 2020 WNBA Draft:
1. NEW YORK
Sabrina Ionescu will go down as one the greatest college basketball players ever. She’s basically our generation’s Pistol Pete Maravich putting up ridiculous stats and doing whatever the hell she wants to on the court.
But let’s talk about their No. 9 pick, Megan Walker, who was without a doubt the best shooter available in the draft. Might sound crazy but let’s see how this unique concept of drafting the best passer and the shooter together works.
Megan Walker led the country shooting 45% from 3 at UConn this season. She also averaged 1.02 points per possession which the Liberty are going to need considering they were the worst shooting team in the WNBA last season.
Tina Charles died for the Liberty’s sins and now they’re about to become a dynasty. Oh, I didn’t even mention their trade with the Mercury for their No. 10 pick Jocelyn Jocelyn Willoughby. She’s a forward from Virginia who shot 41.6% from 3 last season.
NEW YORK GOT SHOOTERS. THE BLOCK IS HOT.
2. Kelly Loeffler
The droopy-eyed Georgia senator who’s claim to fame is using inside information she learned from secret senate meetings to make millions of dollars of stocks by taking advantage of a global pandemic that has killed hundreds of thousands of people.
She also happens to own the Atlanta Dream and after losing the best player in Dream history, Angel McCourty, they have replaced her with my favorite player in the world, Chennedy Carter. Kelly Loefller’s life is truly an Atlanta Dream as in it shouldn’t be real and is void of any rules or consequences.
3. The NFL and NBA
The 2020 WNBA Draft was ESPN’s opportunity to discover what a virtual draft would look like and now they can bring it to the NFL draft next week and pretend like it’s the first time they ever did that as they love erasing women’s sports.
4. Dallas Wings
*whispers* Satou Sabally is probably the best player in this draft because triple-doubles do not fucking matter. She averaged 16 points and 7 rebounds this season. She can finish at the rim which is a super underrated skill in the WNBA.
They also chose Bella Alarie out of Princeton who instantly improves Dallas’s defense. It’s typically a good idea to have a paint defender on the roster when you have a little point guard like Arike Ogunbowale letting women blow past her on the perimeter all night long.
And now onto the Losers…
1. Everyone trying to push Sabrina on us
We get it, she’s talented as hell and was friends with Kobe or whatever but man, homegirl is boring as hell. Let’s just watch her play basketball and stop putting microphones in front of her.
2. Minnesota Lynx
So yea this dynasty is BIIIIG over. They had the no. 6 pick in the 2020 WNBA Draft and reached for South Carolina forward, Mikiah Herbert Harrigan, a player they did not need and does not make them better. Personally, if my team didn’t have a point guard I would draft a point guard but what do I know?
3. Shaking hands for no reason
Dr. Anthony Fauci has come out and said that shaking hands is stupid and there’s no reason why would she have ever been doing or should continue doing it in the future. I concur. Coronavirus or not, refrain from touching me.
The WNBA commissioner, Cathy Engelbert, seems cool or whatever but yea, draft me from your house and I’ll celebrate in my house and we won’t shake hands with your hand on my lower back for a photograph that doesn’t matter.