NBA Purgatory is the Sunken Place. It’s where players go, never to be heard from again. In NBA Purgatory, no one can hear you complain about not getting minutes.
Whether a team is sitting a player because they’re trying to tank or a team and a player just have a falling out, there are certain guys who are just locked in this no-man’s land of technically being NBA players without actually playing in the NBA.
Here are 10 players currently trapped in NBA Purgatory:
1. Robin Lopez
It’s being reported that Robin Lopez is desperately trying to be bought out by the Chicago Bulls so he can join the Golden State Warriors. The Bulls have denied his request and are pretty much holding him hostage on the team.
He also got into a shouting match with Kris Dunn at practice so yea, Robin Lopez might have to pull a Bobby Portis and punch someone in the face if he wants any sort of solution in Chicago.
2. JR Smith
In November, JR Smith publically called out the Cavs for tanking. The team ‘dismissed’ him until they could find a trade partner for him. It’s January and Jr Smith’s name hasn’t been mentioned in months. Is he okay?
This seemed fucked up until I remember what he did in Game 1 of the NBA Finals last season. Yea, if I’m the Cavs front office I’d be out here on some ‘JR who?’ shit too. My man didn’t know the score of an NBA Finals game. Yea, stay home forever.
3. Chandler Parsons
Chandler Parsons signed a max contract and his bones immediately deteriated. His entire career in Memphis has been a disappointing black hole on the Grizzlies cpa flexibility especially considering that they’re Memphis which means in order for them to get big name free agents, they’d have to pay extra which is exactly what happened with Parsons.
Well, Parsons says he’s healthy now and the Grizzles are like ‘cool, there’s the bench’. He is pretty much being punished for being hurt which isn’t fair but I’d break all of my bones to get the dumb ass contract that Memphis gave him so I wouldn’t say I feel super bad for Chandler.
4. Courtney Lee
Phil Jackson came into New York for just a few seasons and destroyed the salary cap in the blink of an eye. He was handing out bags like Derek Jeter to all the women he slept with when they left in the morning before breakfast.
Courtney Lee doesn’t want to be on the Knicks. The Knicks have the youngest roster in the NBA and have no desire to have the 33-year taking minutes away from guys like Allonzo Trier and Frank Ntilikina so Lee is kind of just hanging out with Porzingis on the bench every night.
5. Dennis Smith Jr.
The Dallas Mavericks have recently sat DSJ with a ‘sore back’ injury but it’s being reported that they’re actually shopping him around and are actively trying to get rid of their first round draft pick from last season because Luka Doncic is already an All-Star caliber point guard and Dennis Smith Jr can’t play alongside him.
Smith joins the growing list of disappointing 2017 point guards. But he’s in good company with Lonzo Ball, Frank Ntilikina and the great Markelle Fultz. Shout out De’Aaron Fox though.
6. Markelle Fultz
Speaking of Fultz being disappointing, does anyone know where he is or what he’s doing in regards to getting back onto the basketball court? It’s very clear that my man made it to the NBA and mentally shrunk to the point where he could no longer shoot a basketball and then doctors made up a fake nerve injury in his shoulder like he forged a parent’s note to sit out of gym class.
Most players in NBA purgatory were placed their by their teams. Fultz put himself there on his own with his lawyer who is also his agent and probably his shooting coach and motivational speaker. #FreeFultz
7. Ryan Anderson
Remember Ryan Anderson? He was traded from the Western Conference 1 seed, Houston Rockets, to the absolute worst team in the NBA, Phoenix Suns, and Phoenix has sat his $20 million a year ass directly at the end of the bench never to be seen or heard from again.
Sure, Anderson was pretty much unplayable in the playoffs because he can’t play defense against anyone but he was a valuable asset and helped the Rockets take the 1 seed. Not only is he a great 3-point shooter but his ability to shoot from miles behind the 3-point line makes him a real bitch to defend. Now he holds DeAndre Ayton’s luggage.
8. Luol Deng
Last we heard from Luol Deng, he was running with Jimmy Butler when he showed up to the last practice before the season and beat the starting 5 with the third stringers.
I’m conviced Tom Thibodeau killed Luol Deng.
When they were both in Chicago, Thibodeau played Deng 300 minutes per game and assigned him to defend the opponents best players for the entirety of the game. Oh, then he got Meningitis so the Bulls doctors gave him a spinal tap and it made him even more sick only to say at the end ‘oops, you never had Spinal Tap. You were just tired because you played 80 minutes the night before
I COULDN’T EVEN FIND A PHOTO OF LUOL DENG IN A TIMBERWOLVES JERSEY, MAN.
9. Nick Young
Poor Swaggy P. It all went down hill when that sneak D’Angelo Russell recorded him talking about all of his sidechicks and posted it on Snapchat. Apparentlyyyy his fiance, Iggy Azalea, prefered more of a commitment and fidelity and blah blah.
Sure, he won a ring with the Golden State Warriors last season but that was like making a deal with the devil as he’s pretty much been quietly removed from the NBA which is weird considering he’s a 37% 3-point shooter and every team is desperate for shooters. BOOOO D’Angelo Russell.
10. Carmelo Anthony
Carmelo Anthony is the player that inspired this article. I miss this man in my life. Both me and Lala have said that exact sentence at least once this past month.
I have jokes for days but honestly, the NBA needs Melo out there holding the ball for the entire 24 second shot clock just jap stepping and then bricking a contested jumpshot right inside of the 3-point arc. We need to hear him yell ‘AH SHIT’ when he gets fouled.
Come back, Melo. Your family misses you.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee with any other players that are stuck in NBA purgatory. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Follow on Instagram so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.