So Game of Thrones season 7 debuts next months and as much as I’m trying to pretend to be mega cool and not think about it until it airs, I’m thinking about it constantly. There are 4 things going through my brain at all times: Lightsabers, Eli Manning throwing to Odell Beckham, my ex girlfriend’s boobs and Cersei Lannister. I’m a simple man with simple needs.
It’s speculation time. I will break down every 1character’s likeliness to get brutally murdered in the upcoming season. From Westeros to Essos, motherfuckers are going to be bleeding. We are 13 episodes away from the finale. You really think Sir Pounce A Lot is going to survive?
Who is going to die in Game of Thrones season 7?
Daenerys Targaryen: 1%
We have to start off with the star of the series. Many people think Game of Thrones is about the Starks and Jon Snow and I believed that too for a bit until those direwolves started dropped like flies and Khaleesi’s dragons are flourishing.
There is no way she dies this season but it seems like she and the Red Woman are going to cross paths and after she resurrected Jon Snow, it is very possible that she’s down to bring everyone back to life including Daenerys Stormborn.
Robin Arryn: 100%
I’ll be honest, I haven’t watched season 6 since it aired and I don’t even know if he is alive but if he is still alive then he won’t be by the end of the season 7 premiere. This little bitch is DEAD.
Beric Dondarrion: 90%
I think a lot of chess pieces are going to removed from the board this season and the Brotherhood Without Banners have done all they can. I honestly wouldn’t be shocked if the showrunners just said ‘fuck it’ and unleashed Lady Stoneheart out of nowhere to just murder goons.
The Hound: 20%
The Hound is for sure on borrowed time but he’s also in the middle of a murderous ax ramapage and I’m okay with watching that go down for two more seasons. I want dragons and ice zombies fighting in the background while The Hound ignores all that nonsense to focus on ax murdering full villages.
If Khaleesi isn’t going to die this season then someone in her crew is going to have to take that L for her. Missandei is focused on being the hacker for Dom and the Fast and Furious familia. She doesn’t have time for two franchises.
Yara Greyjoy: 37%
Might as well be pulling names out of a hat right now. Jesus, this show is almost over and there are still way too many fucking characters on this show. I would say that they’re definitely going to kill Yara but I don’t think she’ll be in harms way this season. She’s been irrelevant since day one.
Dolorous Edd: 100%
There are a lot of stupid names in Westeros and this guy’s name is in 1st place. The Night’s Watch is going to have a tough season and this motherfucker is so dead. So so dead.
HOT TAKE ALERT: A lotttt of people are assuming that Littlefinger is going to die this season. His plans are becoming transparent and Sansa is growing tired of his nonsense. He also saved Jon Snow’s life. He’ll be fine.
Real G’s move in silence like lasagna. Baelish is lasanga. He’s two steps ahead of everyone. You can’t kill him because he has something you want. It’s Littlefinger’s world and they’re all lucky enough to live in it.
Theres a 50/50 percent chance that Bronn doesn’t make it. On the bright side, there’s a 50/50 chance that he does make it sooo yea, glass half full and shit.
The Mountain: 3%
When the dust settles. When the dragons are gone. When the white walkers are gone. No Lannisters. No Starks. There will be one man standing. The Mountain.
Jaime Lannister: 0%
Jaime Lannister is my favorite character in the show therefore he will never die and live forever and we’re going to hang out and talk about how dope Cersei’s vag is and high five but like, with his gold hand and he’s going to teach me sword stuff and we’re going to ride horses up flights of stairs and wear matching gold armor and talk about how much we hate our dads and just chill yo.
Tyrion Lannister: 0%
Alright, main character time. No offense to Jaime. Yea, there’s a 0% chance that Tyrion is dying. You can’t kill little people on TV. Ugh, PC libtards ruining Game of Thrones.
Cersei Lannister: 100%
They’ve been telegraphing this death from day one and it look’s like she’s at the end of the line. She finally is the sole Queen of Westeros after burning King’s Landing to the ground. Also all of her children are dead which means she won’t be too far behind them.
I’ll always love you Cersei but your story must come to an end. I mean like, dragons are coming. You’re mega dead.
Arya Stark: 2%
I feel like the writers love dragging Arya to the brink of death only to have her bleed the streets and stab a bitch in a pitch black room. Arya Stark isn’t going to die this season but she’s definitely going to get like tortured or mutilated in some way but she’s recover triumphantly in the finale somehow.
Sansa Stark: 69%
I don’t see a happy ending in Sansa’s future. She’s remarkably dumb and just look at her face. That’s a very killable face. I know they’re going to try to make her Cersei-like and seem like she’s hardened and blah blah. Nope, somethings’ going to happen. Also 69, get it? hahahaha.
Jon Snow: 20%
There are a couple of reasons why theres a 20% chance that Jon Snow may die, although personally I doubt it but 20% keeps me safe. First, there is a little bit of foreshadowing last season where he was brought back from the dead and told the Red Woman to never bring him back if he dies again. Every single bit of dialogue in this show matters. He wouldn’t throw out the idea of dying again for no reason.
Also, as mentioned earlier, this show is allll about my girl Daenerys and there is nothing the Starks love more than dying. I can’t imagine a cute finale where both Khaleesi and Snow are happy and driving in a flying car after hand jiving in leather and shit.
If what I think is going to happen is going to happen then Drogon will not survive this season. If Euron Greyjoy can control dragons and Drogon is our favorite dragon and Game of Thrones doesn’t want us to be happy then all signs are leading to the death of Drogon. #RIP
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee with your Game of Thrones season 7 predictions. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.
- some* ↵