The 8 Types of High
In honor of 4/20…this is about marijuana, sorry cokeheads.
1. Paranoid Hallucinator.
No one knows that you’re high or better, no one cares. But the paranoid hallucinator believes everyone is watching them. Police officers are going to just zipline from the sky and arrest them. Ex-girlfriends are going to pop out of the bushes and berate them. Their mothers have cameras set up and are watching. Needless to say, the paranoid hallucinator isn’t fun to be around.
2. First Timer.
The amount of excitement and/or fear radiating off of the first timer is so very evident. You can hear them coughing from across the room. The first timer usually changes into the paranoid hallucinator but hopefully they grow out of that. Little do they know that they’re wasting their time smoking, unless they enjoy cotton mouth, bloodshot eyes and smelling like the rain forest.
It’s safe to say that not only has every rapper ever smoked weed but they all appear to have at least one song dedicated to it. Every single time you see Snoop Dogg, his face is just leaking smoke. Rappers won’t be signed unless they talk about smoking weed. This has made someone like Wiz Khalifa famous. He looks like a dragon and makes mediocre music but potheads love it.
My personal favorite is the functional high. These people have realized that no one cares if you smoke. There’s no need to discuss it or perpetuate some sort of stoner lifestyle. Just casually smoke and do your job. Michael Phelps gets high and wins Olympic gold medals. I’m pretty sure he’s never posted a Facebook status saying “wake and bake.”
“Life is so crazy” “The universe is so crazy” These are just a few examples of the intellectual’s quotes. They start off statements by making it appear that they are going to say something deep and meaningful. As they start talking more, you realize they don’t have shit to say.
6. Music Major.
The 1960’s was big in the use of acid and psychedelic drugs that influenced most of the music at the time. Not only were musicians inspired by these drugs but the listeners had a heightened sense of arousal from the music as well. Yea, weed isn’t acid. If anything it has the opposite effect. The worst music sounds like The Beatles meets Wu-Tang Clan. It’s just Lady Gaga, and you’re annoying.
7. Laugh Track.
Uncontrolled laughing may perhaps be the most annoying side effect of marijuana. There’s not much to explain here. It makes people look either completely insane or completely unattractive (see photo above.)
The ‘munchies’ is a common side effect of this drug. The smallest people somehow transform into eating machines. They make 300 pound diabetics blush. Imagine how many hotdogs Kobayashi could eat if he got high first. Probably the same amount actually…
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If you enjoyed this then be sure to check out The 8 Types of Drunks