Apr 10, 2012
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The 8 Types of Drunks

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The 8 Types of Drunks




  1. The Dancer. drunks dancer


When the dancer gets a little alcohol in them, they transform into a Jabbawockee. Or at least they think they do. They kick their shoes off and all sense of dignity as they embarrass themselves on the dance floor. Daily struggles are just forgotten once music comes on. They absolutely love humiliating themselves. They’ll dance on tables and speakers, anything to draw attention to themselves. The dancer don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind.




  1. The Narcoleptic. passed out drunks


As soon as this person drinks a certain amount of alcohol, they pass out. It’s inevitable. If they go missing at the end of the night (and they will) you can find the narcoleptic the next morning in a corner somewhere with crude drawings all over their face.


  1. The Mayweather. Mayweather drunks


Everyone has had a nice night end abruptly because of idiots fighting each other. The mayweather uses alcohol as an excuse to physically hurt others. Anything and everything gets them angry to the point of homicide. When two mayweathers collide, seek shelter.




  1. The Aristotle. Aristotle drunks



Most people have some sort of personal philosophy about the meaning of life. Alcohol forces some people to explain their pointless personal beliefs to you. Perhaps it’s in hopes to change your opinion or to teach you something new but regardless, no one is interested. ever. Let’s keep our ideals to ourselves and save them for an appropriate time, like when someone actually asks.



  1. The Projectile Vomiter. vomiting drunks


There comes a time when one may drink a little more than their body is capable of handling. That may result in your body forcing you to throw up in order to remove toxins. The projectile vomiter will throw up almost every single time they drink. But they don’t just throw up like a normal human, they just simply open their mouths and everything sitting in their stomach is rocketed out of their face.



  1. The Predator. hunt drunks


The predator has one goal in mind, taking advantage of women. No matter how much a woman resists, the predator will continue to stalk. The predator never really learned how to speak to women so they have their own method of courting females. Following women around all night, aggressively touching them and yelling at them are some of the key moves of the predator. The only way to catch a predator is to send in a bigger predator. Survival of the fittest.




7. The Jackass. jackass drunks


There is always one completely reckless friend that will do anything for a laugh or a  second of attention. The jackass is the first person to jump into the pool, flip tables over, throw empty beer bottles and break shit. The jackass attempts to impress people by his ability to annoy everyone. If you show up to a gathering with the jackass, expect to be hated.





8. Alcoholic. Alcoholic drunks


The most common drunk is the alcoholic. Alcoholism is a serious disease but is very curable. Just stop drinking.




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