— Dianna Marie Russini (@diannaESPN) August 15, 2016
Soooo, Giancarlo Stanton tore his groin and will mostly miss the remainder of the season. That’s tough for any baseball fan. Every single time a baseball makes contact with his bat it ends up in the parking lot smoking. Well, the Miami Marlins front office wasted no time throwing out Alex Rodriguez rumors.
I’m not quite sure how signing Alex helps replace an outfielder but that’s for the baseball geniuses to figure out. My biggest fear is that A-Rod is going to put on that Miami uniform and suddenly remember how to hit fastballs. Rodriguez might have the home run record by the time I finish writing this article.
I hate the Marlins. I have not forgetton the 2003 World Series when all of a sudden Dontrelle Willis and Josh Beckett were the greatest pitchers ever. Fuck the Marlins. Crazy that Hal Steinbrenner didn’t add a clause in Alex’s ‘special advisor’ contract that he couldn’t play for any other team.
This is a heist and I won’t stand for it. But if I know Alex Rodriguez like I know Alex Rodriguez, then I know we’re about a day or two away from finding out that he’s stuffed to the brim with HGH so he’ll probably be suspended forever before he gets to play for Miami. As it was written.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you will be equally upset to see Alex play in Miami. Also, go ahead and give Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here.