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Hi, I’m Bob

HELLO WORLD. MY NAME IS conservativebob AND I AM PROUD TO BE THE NEWEST WRITER HERE AT DEADSERIOUSNESS. I’VE BEEN A HUGE DEADSERIOUSNESS FAN SINCE DAY ONE (no I haven’t, no one has) AND I’M HONORED TO PROVIDE MY LAVA HOT TAKES AND LEVEL HEADED REASONING TO THIS LIBERAL SITE.

IF YOU GUYS ARE TIRED OF KING LESTER JOING TO KRISTAPS PORZINGIS HIGHLIGHTS AND TREATING HILLARY CLINTON LIKE SHE’S NOT A CRIMINAL (lock her up), WELCOME TO MY ARTICLES. NOW THAT DONALD TRUMP IS OUR PRESIDENT ELECT, IT’S TIME DEADSERIOUSNESS HAS SOMEONE ON STAFF WHO HAS RESPECT AND ADMIRATION FOR OUR NEW LEADER.

THERE’S A REASON WHY WE’RE LABELED ‘THE RIGHT’. IT’S BECAUSE WE’RE RIGHT. ABORTION SHOULD BE ILLEGAL. YOU CAN SMOKE WEED, IF YOU’RE OKAY WITH SPENDING TIME IN PRISON. I WILL VOLUNTEER TO HELP BUILD A WALL AT THE BORDER (until Trump forces Mexico to build it themselves). I’D BE RICH IF OBAMA WASN’T TAKING MONEY OUT OF MY PAYCHECKS TO GIVE TO LAZY POOR PEOPLE SUCKING ON AMERICA’S TEAT.

BY NOW I’M SURE YOU’RE WONDERING WHY EVERYTHING IS IN CAPS. I’M A PASSIONATE INDIVIDUAL AND I NEED YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT I MEAN EVERY WORD I SAY. I’D SCREAM FROM THE ROOFTOPS BUT THE ROOFTOPS AREN’T HIGH ENOUGH. SO I’LL SETTLE FOR DEADSERIOUSNESS AND TWITTER AND STUFF.

GET READY FOR 4 MORE YEARS OF conservativebob GUIDING YOU THROUGH THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION, THE MOST SUCCESSFUL PRESIDENTIAL ADMINISTRATION IN HISTORY. STAY TUNED FOR THE HOTTEST TAKES THE INTERNET HAS EVER SEEN. (I also like movies and sports and stuff but King Lester hasn’t given me the green light to write about that stuff yet so I’ll stick to hating Alec Baldwin’s stupid Trump impression and trying to keep isis out of our neighborhoods).

 

 

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @conservativeb0b for more of his screams and scorching hot takes. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here and pay Bob’s salary.

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