7 Realizations about My Childhood
- There were 150 different types of Pokemon in the world. Ash Ketchum caught about 8 of them. He was the absolute definition of overrated. His Pokemon refused to stay in their pokeballs, refused to evolve and completely ignored his orders. He was no where near being a Pokemon Master. His best Pokemon was a Pikachu, enough said.
WTF is this.
- The WWF is the perfect place for a child to go to watch adults hurt each other and half naked women strip. But as a kid you don’t realize what ridiculous things these grown men are saying. I have never once “smelled what The Rock was cooking.” For some reason, as a naive child, I believed that Hulk Hogan’s leg drop was the most powerful move in the whole entire world. Now I see, it’s just a leg drop. Damn.
The negative effects of steroids
- Power Rangers is racist as shit. Network executives allowed the black power ranger to be black which maybe you could get away with. But once you make the Asian power ranger yellow I feel like the whole show was just a running joke. Don’t forget about the pink power ranger being a girl. I wouldn’t be surprised if the red power ranger was supposed to be Native American.
“I’m a stereotype.”
- Comic books can never accurately depict reality. A soldier in World War II cannot obtain superpowers from the government to fight Hitler in the 40’s and come back to life a half century later. A teenage boy cannot obtain super powers from a DNA altering spider bite. And I don’t care how much money you have (Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne) bullets will hit you at some point, and you will die.
“I wear black like the night, bullets can’t hurt me”
- That blond girl that threw me off the monkey bars at recess, yea turns out, she liked me. If I knew back then those cooties had been eradicated like smallpox was, perhaps I would’ve paid more attention to females. Flirting was much simpler those days. Just slap a girl in the face and she’s yours. Try that as an adult and all of a sudden you’re deemed a criminal. The times have completely changed.
years from now this will become an awkward threesome
- It’s true that growing up solves the problem of having a set bedtime and being forced to do chores but being an adult sucks. Paying bills is completely overlooked in the dream of being an adult. I need a debit cards to pay for my credit cards and I have no idea how I’m paying for those debit cards. Responsibility ruins lives. I’ll trade paying car insurance for making fat kids cry during recess right now.
“Why did I invest all my lunch money on Enron shares?!”
- And finally, Santa Claus isn’t real….
I think this just about sums up Christmas for me